GUEST WRITER, ABIMBOLA JUNAID WRITES ON THE TOPIC- ' 30 SOMETHING,SINGLE,LIVING ABROAD AND MARRIAGE! ( PART 1)
I am a life coach, but first and foremost human too.That emotional side of me showed when I read an email sent to me by a Miss A.A who had read my blog. She asked that I advice the 30 something year old singles(women)living abroad who desire marriage but aren't having much luck finding brothers(especially of same African background)!I take this request seriously and as a priviledge knowing that my opinion on here will be taken by someone out there and their decision which will determine their destiny about marriage will be based on this.
Early on, let me start by saying,I hold various views about this topic and as a result it may seem I am not giving a straight solution to the issue. There isn't one. But hopefully this will bring some enlightenment and help in making a clearer and purposeful search possible for the 30 something(s).In my opinion and from experience I think that what will determine your ability to find the person to marry will largely depend on your flexibility, tolerance level otherwise known as humility and your personal sense of what reality is, BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO BE REALISTIC WITH YOUR SELF ON MANY ISSUES,STARTING WITH THIS.It may also apply to non africans, but I am talking about the 30 something year old African men and women now (AS REQUESTED).
If you are one that grew up in any of the African countries,(our cultural system is similar)you will be well accustomed to one of our beliefs; that men are to be worshipped, be it young or old. Do not be fooled, it is a deeply entrenched custom that a male child is superior to a female one, not minding the position of the son in the African family. Be he 1st child, last or only male and the more male children the merrier, you as a female is expected to treat him or them, like a king,heir,entitled than all the female children put together.
Our African men, through no fault of theirs, but true to type and this age long belief,expects a female( female here encompasses all that is not male regardless of the age, color, culture, education, tribe, wealth,class, achievement,blood ties or not,to nurture them and worship them.Now that may come in all ways and manners and highly evidenced in the character of most african male,not only grown up men(boys too), in their approach to the opposite sex,especially their african females.
Modernisation does not even change this belief,that is why, some of you already arguing with me(I know!)that” it is not all African men that is like that" are right. The men you know through their own deliberate renewing of their minds, exposure,maturity,experiences,background, religion,especially christianity,pentecostal teachings, enduring mothers who have stood to teach their sons differently from the norm which you now see as outcomes in these few men that you can point to as being caring,respectful and treating women as equals,doesn't change the fact that,the predominantly held notion still exist somewhere in the make up of even such a man though outwardly portrayed as laying dormant.
My second preamble is this, Westernisation, brings about human rights,women’s right and power, ladies you know what I am talking about, come on(lol).Westernization also brings about individuality in the form of self realisation and actualisation, it brings about the power of higher earnings,bigger visions and self made rules and self made lifestyle, which becomes your values and void of any cultural values or beliefs brought up with.
In the western world one can adequately live the life that they want without any consequence(s) and a fulfilling life too for that matter. All of this which isn't what Africaness stands for and not widely practiced as the order of the day in Africa, though some of these values have slipped through and its now a mixture of values even in Africa, but the African communities anywhere in the world, still holds some beliefs dear to its heart.The third preamble is that, men and women are different and that difference.......... TO BE CONTINUED.
Email me for a one to one if you've been affected by today's talk- email@example.com or http://www.thinkingb.blogspot.com/
Chief Reporter's note:Abimbola Junaid is a human and business development coach based in the UK. She is the CEO of Complete Well Being Solutions.
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